Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
