Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
