tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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