i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
