I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
