I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
