I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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