he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My ass is underappreciated
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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