walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
