Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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