If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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