I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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