dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
