I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
