Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The convent might be a nice break from real life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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