I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
