I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
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dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I currently don't understand fingers.
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