I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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