He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
