Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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