Whoa Z and x make the same sound
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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