If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
