Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
