remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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