And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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