All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
