i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
