You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
