I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
