I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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