Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home