I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.