kristin has been a bad kristin
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
