I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
