Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"

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  (215): YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP" http://tfl.nu/srh9
  Replies (12) Good night (988) Bad night (4587)
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  (607): View more from New York

  We can grow old together and our livers can fail together

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  (607): We can grow old together and our livers can fail together http://tfl.nu/ku07
  Replies (9) Good night (4520) Bad night (1425)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night

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  (214): Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/b3zy
  Replies (3) Good night (1997) Bad night (903)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.

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  (260): She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son. http://tfl.nu/cl4b
  Replies (6) Good night (828) Bad night (2117)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

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  (334): I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does. (1-334): Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers. http://tfl.nu/3563
  Replies (22) Good night (4877) Bad night (991)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights

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  (518): I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights http://tfl.nu/wcuo
  Replies (3) Good night (1523) Bad night (629)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening

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  (630): he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening http://tfl.nu/ov5q
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (1116)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.

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  (985): My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong. http://tfl.nu/gho7
  Replies (7) Good night (1284) Bad night (634)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.

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  (505): There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy. http://tfl.nu/c3w4
  Replies (6) Good night (2015) Bad night (615)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.

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  (202): I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control. http://tfl.nu/1mo8
  Replies (0) Good night (1000) Bad night (362)
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  (310): View more from California

  That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.

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  (310): That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better. http://tfl.nu/qdjx
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (694)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"

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  (612): Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing" http://tfl.nu/gmpq
  Replies (3) Good night (454) Bad night (364)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.

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  (775): And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward. http://tfl.nu/jda5
  Replies (1) Good night (322) Bad night (498)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship

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  (515): I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship http://tfl.nu/py1y
  Replies (1) Good night (952) Bad night (356)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.

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  (778): The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning. http://tfl.nu/ay6g
  Replies (4) Good night (611) Bad night (808)

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