I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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