jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I want her autograph on my taint
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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