Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
