somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
