Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
