I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
