I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize