she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
