My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
