finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
