im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
