3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
