I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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