i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
