so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize