I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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