ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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