You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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