i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
