Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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