Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
