please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
