No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
