She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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