A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
