If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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