we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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