Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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