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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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