So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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