There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
