I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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