either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
