My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize