I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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