Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
