i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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