If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
