are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
