i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dignity is for republicans.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
