I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
