I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
