That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
