therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
