Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
