Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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