Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
