ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
