My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
