theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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