Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
