dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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