last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
