I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
