I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
